Caught in the Perfection Deception?
Yesterday I had the most amazing conversation with one of my favorite clients. She and I have been working together for about 8 years...as I am what I like to call her "transformation coach". I am a life coach who helps others actually transform their lives, not just talk about it.
Most of the clients I work with have been with me for years, and typically reach out when they are ready to take their lives to the next level or going through change. I enjoy working with them to take their lives from where they are now to where they want to be.
Throughout the many stages of our lives, most of us come to a point where we feel the need to regroup, step back, and look at what's next...or maybe look at what's not working that we'd would like to fix or change.
Sometimes we need some support to make those changes...and that's where I come in.
During our call yesterday, we talked about the comparison trap many of us get caught up in. I call it the "perfection deception". We see posts on social media of friends, family, and celebrities that look as if they have "perfect" lives! Their houses look like something out of a magazine, they post pretty pictures, some have what appear to be perfect bodies, perfect relationships...you know what I am talking about.
My client said, I am sick of this shit! I want to start a blog that is called "This is the REAL shit!". She went on to say... I am doing everything in my power to try and to keep it together, to stay on my healthy meal plan, exercise and take care of me while spending my evenings and weekends at the baseball field, oh yeah, and pay attention to my husband, all while I'm juggling a very successful career that requires travel!
This is THE REAL SHIT that most of us don't talk about or show in pictures...it's our messy lives.
She was right. I like to turn the real shit around and look at it this way... it's our messy lives that is the real beauty! I say real beauty because all of our messiness is an opportunity to step back and say...wait a minute...what's really important?
Maybe we need to "cut" the shit. Maybe we need to... slow down, let go of what's not really important so we can turn this shit into a beautiful life.
But how do we actually start the process?
Well...when looking at all of the things that are important, the first step is to realize that nothing will get done properly or be okay if we don't take care of OURSELVES FIRST...meaning a "ME FIRST" approach to everything. Yep, you read that right. It's not selfish...I call it Self-FULL.
Taking care of yourself will lead you to becoming a better person, better mom, partner, friend, co-worker, boss...
Next, shut down the the "comparison trap". How can we feel good if we are constantly looking at what we think is "perfect"?
Just so you know...there is no such thing as perfect. No one, and I mean no one, has a perfect life. We all have "real shit" we just don't display it out in public for everyone to see.
The energy and time we spend scrolling social media, focusing on everyone else, can be devoted to taking care of ourselves while taking the steps to slowing down and finding some peace and order.
Which leads to my next step...
When we stop comparing ourselves to others and start looking at what's right, with our own individual lives, we begin to feel better about our selves. Start by making a list of everything you are grateful for and include all that you have that is positive in your life!
Once we slow down we can take a good look at our lives.
If something needs to change or needs some tweaking, we can actually go about the business of taking care of it rather than running and gunning in the "spin zone" ...which is a great way to ignore the truth of our lives.
My client recently decided to slow down, step out of the "spin zone" and reassess her life. Her conscious decision to slow down and stop comparing herself to others took her anxiety down and allowed her to take some pretty bold steps towards stepping into the next level of her life.
Her next level? To find a deeper connection to herself. Which she has already begun, and in turn, has experienced a deeper connection to her children, her marriage, new career goals and deciding how she wants to live...
to be inspired by her own actions and fill her self with love for who she is and live contently in the messiness...the beauty of her life.
This is the real beauty.
With love and gratitude,
Michelle